I am a "yes" woman. I agree with new career opportunities. help a friend change their home; listen to my sisters; voluntary hours; to the extra project when I'm actually already over the head. I agree with parties, walks, dinners, and other gatherings when I honestly do not have the time or energy to be there.
In the meantime, the laundry stays at home, the sink is full of dishes and my orange tabby cat asks for attention. And nobody but me is to blame.
I think I was really impressed when, a few days ago, I scheduled my next working week, social events and family reunion, and I felt the stress crying as I realized that there was no predictable break.
On a calendar, it might seem like there are breaks: there are Christmas parties, a Spartan race with my fitness buddies, a Christmas trip with my family, and other fun things that lead to the New Year.
But the thing is, these kinds of events do not really help me relax. Socializing is fun, but I'm mostly introverted, so I'm definitely exhausted (and then the hangover comes when I decide to drink). The Spartan Race is certainly a good time, but it's a physically demanding event. And of course, I'm really looking forward to seeing my family on vacation, but fighting LAX and four hours on the plane will not mean much for my stress.
I promise I'm not here to complain about how busy I am ̵
Learning to say no can change your life.
Holding on to a hero mentality for too long ("I can do anything") can seriously affect your mental health and quality of life. Taking over more than you can realistically achieve, especially from customers or managers, will inevitably affect your quality of work. You may be underserved and worried about your workload and the possibility of under-care.
Bite off more than you can chew on from friends and family, and you may be straining your relationships. A person can only do so much – you do not want to promise too much and then snap when a friend or family member asks why you did not make a promise or why you did not attend an event that you said was in favor ,
At work and at home, the inability to say no can lead toemotional stress and eventually . It's also not just time: saying yes to things that make you stressed, insecure, or otherwise uncomfortable can affect your mental and physical health.
On the other hand, you can protect yourself when you learn to say no if you have mental and physical energy as well as your time. If you say no to things that do not serve you, you can prioritize your own well-being, rest sufficiently, spend time with hobbies that you enjoy, and socialize as you go to events and gatherings to which you say yes want to say.  Read more: 5 Effective Ways To Relieve Anxiety
Know when to say yes or no
It's simple: Say yes to things that make you feel good and no to Things that are not good.
Most people todayand can profoundly benefit from the rejection of things that do not make them squeal with joy. If you cancel your event calendar (and even your work projects if possible), you can reserve more energy for the important things.
Here are some examples of when you might want to say yes but say no:
- Someone has to take a shift, and while you could use the extra money, you have an average of only five hours of sleep a night for the last week ,
- Your friends are planning a last-minute fun event, but tonight is your only night of the week to stay.
- Your parents-in-law want to stay with you over the holidays for 10 days and you want to be nice, but the thought of cooking for 10 days, cleaning up, and entertaining anyone ties your stomach into knots.
- Your best friend is asking for a favor, but it would be the only time you cut out this week with your kids.
Of course, there are reservations. In reality, you can not always refuse a work project that does not inspire you, and sometimes you have to survive events you are not particularly interested in. But it's about exercising your right not to say enough often that these occasional events do not completely derail you.
You also have to learn the difference if you really do not want to do something because you know it does not help you, and I do not want to do anything because you're scared. You may be afraid to do something that leads to positive outcomes in your life.
An example of the latter: You are author. You do not want to affirm a public commitment because you are uncomfortable with public speaking. But if you say so, it's possible that this public commitment will bring you a new deal, or at least a new connection.
In the above case, you would benefit from saying yes, even though your initial gut reaction is "No way!" Was. In short, use your best judgment and strive for long-term benefits rather than immediate gratification.
Read more: Waldbad: The free cure for stress and anxiety?
How can you say no?
Have you ever said yes to something and then lied out? Example: Your boss asks you to complete an extra weekend shift. So as not to disappoint you, say yes right away, even though your stomach is twisting because you already have plans that day. Come on in the day, you invent the best excuse you can imagine to get out of the shift.
No shame – almost everyone I know, including myself, has done so in any way. It is an unfortunate tendency of people who like it. But would not it be so much easier to just say no on site? Of course it would, so here are some tips to do just that.
- Be direct. This is often the best approach, even if it feels difficult. Just say "No, I can not" or "No, I do not want to".
- Avoid apologies if they are not guaranteed. You do not have to apologize for having made plans before.
- Do not say that you think about it, if you know on the spot that you do not want to do it. Just be right.
- Thank you. For example, if someone offers you a work project, "Thank you for thinking of me for this project, but I do not have the bandwidth to do it now."
- Provide an explanation and any alternatives. For example, back that the family stays 10 days longer. Say, "I'd like to see you, but being with the family that long is a problem for me, what if we helped you arrange a stay at a hotel just minutes from the house ? " Do List written on a notebook lying on a wooden table. "data-original =" https://cnet3.cbsistatic.com/img/K0Ycj2NRlvBZpGxl9qmQShWVPjo=/2019/11/27/33cd0c6d-14b4-4eeb-b264-9cf54636eb4b/gettyimages-1137739742.jpg”/>
No saying does not make you a bad person
People who like perfectionists and yes, tend to say no, make them a bad person. You may fear that refusing work or refusing invitations to events may make you selfish or downright mean.
No saying does not bother you. It just protects you from your time and energy, which we all deserve. If you are a yes person because you believe that no is egotistical or wrong, it is time to let go of that belief. No is not a locked word. It is something that everyone can use at their own discretion.
From now on, I set my foot on saving my yes for occasions, events and events that make me jump happily up and down – and the things that bring long-term benefits – and flog the noes for those who drive me cause my fingernails to bite. I hope you want to join me.